Just some thoughts...

Gosh, I haven't blogged in almost 3 years! Nobody reads it anyway, so it doesn't really matter. It's just for me to get my thoughts out since I don't keep a journal anymore. I've been getting a bit depressed about my weight lately. A couple weeks ago I tried to go shopping for a swimsuit. I ended up in tears and eating ice cream - no swimsuit! I was looking at pictures taken this past weekend - and I'm mortified! How did I get so fat? And why can't I do something about it?

I'm supposed to lose weight - for my health. I have diabetes, and the doctor wants to increase my meds. I don't want to do that. In my mind, I can fix this if I just lose weight. But that hasn't happened, and I don't really see it happening anytime soon. I know if I only eat veggies and go to the gym for 3 hours every night I might be able to lose weight. But I can't maintain that kind of lifestyle - it's not me. I hate exercising and I like to eat. That's my problem. How do I change myself so that I can do what needs to be done for my health - physically and mentally?

I hate the fact that I can't go swimming. My grandchildren will be here soon, and I'll be wearing shorts when I take them to the beach. I'm so embarrassed. I'm embarrassed standing up in front of a room full of people to give a presentation - I know they're all looking at me and thinking about how fat I am. And the fat is making me ugly too. My face is all puffy and gravity is pulling it all downward. I look angry when I'm really not. The face on the outside is not who I am on the inside. I know there is nothing I can do about that, short of plastic surgery (which I won't do), so it depresses me even more. Sometimes I can't wait for Ray to retire so I can stop working. Then I'll be able to stay home and not have to face other people. Those kind of thoughts scare me. I don't want to become a recluse, but I'm so embarrassed about how I look. I don't want people to see me.

Halloween

So, I guess I won't be blogging about my weight loss! Oh well, on to the next idea!

Let's talk about Halloween! I have come to hate Halloween. I know, I'm a Halloween Scrooge! I don't have any little kids to dress up anymore. I do have some grandkids, but they live far, far away! Maybe next year they'll be here and I can have some fun with them. But this holiday in my neighborhood just sucks! The only trick or treaters we get is teenagers who don't even bother to put on a costume. They bang (not knock) on the door after the lights are out, hold out their big 'ol pillow case that is already full, and don't even say the words! I only give one little piece of candy if they don't have a costume (and I'll tell them that!), so when they get their one piece of candy added to the already gazillion in their sack, they roll their eyes, suck their teeth, and definitely do not utter a thank you. I don't know why I even answer the door. I guess I'm still hoping to see some cute little kids in creative, home-made costumes. Those days are gone, I think. At least where I live they are.

I remember Halloweens of the past. We would plan for weeks what we were going to be. We'd drag out the Halloween box that contained bits and pieces of past costumes. Then of course, at the last minute we were scrambling to put together a costume! Our town had a Halloween parade, followed by a party with snacks and prizes. Everybody's costumes were home-made. It was tacky to have a store bought costume with those plastic masks. Then we went trick-or-treating in our own neighborhood. It was fun seeing the other kids and trying to figure out who they were! I loved dumping out my bag of candy and seeing what I got. Back then, we would get homemade popcorn balls and candy apples. Those would get thrown in the trash now. Then the next morning we would see smashed pumpkins in the road! By that time we didn't care because they were rotting anyway. It was a different time and a different place. I miss my childhood!

Trying Again!

So, I've decided to try again! Both blogging and losing weight. Maybe if I blog about it, I can keep myself on track a little better. I have been overweight for many years now. I hate it. I have tried and tried and tried to lose it. I've done Weight Watchers, Atkins, smaller portions, exercise, you name it. I don't know what to do. I mean, I know what to do, I just can't make myself do it. I know I just need to eat less, eat the right things, and EXERCISE! I hate to exercise! I hate to sweat! I know this is just an excuse, but that's part of my problem.

So, I've decided I have to take control. I have to make myself get motivated. I really, really want to lose some of this weight. I'm going to try - again.

That's all for now. I'm going to try to check in every day and write what I've done right that day. Maybe some day I'll be brave enough to post some pictures. But right now, I don't like myself very much, so that won't be happening!

Trashy Neighbors

I'm going to vent here for a moment. We have owned our home for over 20 years. The neighborhood is not the best or nicest in town, but it's always been quiet and clean. Recently, the older couple that lived in the house across the street for over 30 years sold their home. Unfortunately, the people who bought it rent it out. I hate renters! They don't care about the property or anybody else's. In less than a year, we now are seeing the second renters in the house. The first ones skipped out on three month's rent. The current ones have about a million kids (I have yet to actually see an adult over there), and they are making a complete mess of the place. They leave trash everywhere. Today I actually picked it up out of my yard and threw it back into theirs. Why do slum lords rent to people like this? They're just trashing their property. Everybody else's property values go down, and I don't even like the neighborhood anymore because of it. The kids are always hanging around in everybody else's yard or in the street. Why don't they stay in their own yard? Now don't get me wrong - I like kids. My own kids and their friends always played basketball out in the street. But they didn't leave trash around, didn't use bad language, and weren't disrespectful of the cars trying to drive down the street. We even let these kids use our basketball hoop until they refused to follow the "rules" we set. All we did was ask them not to play after 10:00 pm. Is that asking too much? So, after asking them several times, we just took the hoop down. There's nothing we can do about the situation except hope that the house next door that is for sale won't be sold to another slum lord. It's very frustrating and discouraging. I hope they get evicted before we want to sell our house - nobody will want to buy it with that trash in the neighborhood.

First Entry

Okay, so I've decided to join the blogging world! I have no idea what I'll write about, but thought I'd give it a try anyway. I originally thought I would journal here about my weight loss attempts, but I'm sure that would get pretty boring. Maybe I'll just mention it once in a while! I'm just trying this out to see how it works, so I'll be back later to add something interesting!